Sandra Bullock and I are Like This
Monday, June 22, 2009 at 06:00AM 
Yesterday I read part of a recent USA Today interview with actress Sandra Bullock. She was hawking her new comedy, The Proposal, and also spoke a little about her life with husband, motorcycle mogul Jesse James. The thing that struck me most was her statement about being a stepmom to Jesse's three children. Sandra said that she reminds herself often that it's not about what she gets (from the children), but that she needs to concentrate on what she gives. I completely agree; more parents, not just stepparents, should remind themselves of that.
My husband's favorite book, and one of mine, is "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. One of the poems in this book is "Children" and says "Your children are not your children." Another line is "They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you."
The prophet Samuel's mother Hannah was barren and prayed for a son. Her first son's name, Samuel, means "God heard". When God finally gave her this longed-for child, she kept him with her until he was weaned and then gave him back to God, by bringing him to Eli, the priest, to be trained as a servant of God.
Our children don't belong to us; they belong to God who entrusts us with their care until they are ready to live without us and serve Him.
Parents often have trouble being able to sit back and see that children are simply entrusted to us until God is ready for us to give them up.
Maybe it's easier for a stepparent than a biological parent to see that a child doesn't really belong to any parent; that the gift from God is not the child but the opportunity to serve God by raising that child.
I'm not sure, maybe it's just easier for me to see, as a second time stepmom whose heart was broken by my first stepson who saw fit to drop me from his life after his dad died, and then found an excuse to cut me out altogether. I no longer cry every time I talk about him, like I did for three years, but now God has allowed me to see that my need for children or attachment to them is not the point of my being in the lives of my younger two stepsons.
The point is that God needs me to provide them whatever guidance, help, and--yes--love I can during the time they spend with me and their dad. After that, it's time to let go.
If our children come back and bless us after we let go, that is a gift from God. But our job is to concentrate on what we are to give our children, not what we stand to get. Right, Sandy? (I told you--we're this close.)
(Photograph by Craig Jewell)
Hannah, Sandra Bullock, children, parenting
Reader Comments (2)
I also like "The Prophet." It took me a while to really understand the full meaning of that quote. I really like how you explained it in this post.
Mocha Dad,
Thank you for visiting here and leaving your comment. I appreciate it.
I'm always glad to know I've made sense enough to clarify something for someone else. My search for clarity is only worthwhile when I can share what I learn.
God bless you and your family.